gifts

Have you ever known that euphoric feeling when you meet someone who stirs up feelings of attraction and desire almost instantaneously? It can be disorienting and distracting but it's always wonderful! The tricky part is figuring out what to do with the part of yourself that tends to project and respond in equal emotional measure to the possibility of impending rejection.

This kind of thing is not something that happens with me very often. After a massive heartbreak some years back, I had seriously begun to question whether or not I was even capable of having this kind of chemical reaction happen inside of me. I have often felt doomed to a future devoid of internal feeling of much real intensity. It is reassuring to know that a good deal of healing has occurred inside of me.

Anyhow, this sudden urge to write about it has much less to do with the feelings themselves, but rather how to deal with them constructively. The thing is that I'm not really sensing very much of a reciprocating signal. In the past this would be very hard on me. My past experiences have found me striving to impress and to put uncomfortable and unwelcome pressure on the individual that I had felt such attraction toward.

In this instance, I am feeling inclined to simply appreciate the fact that being in the presence of an individual that my insides respond pleasantly too is enough. Just because I am experiencing something does not obligate the other party to participate in or be pressured in any way pertaining to what is entirely personal with me.

The thing is that trying to create a situation that serves me might seem great, but it is truly selfish and inconsiderate. If someone feels a reciprocal attraction I am certain that opportunity to cultivate such a thing will easily and clearly present itself. If it does not happen than I am doing myself and the other party a service by not investing myself in an imagined world that has already created expectations from someone without them even being aware of this insane construct that exists solely in my own head.

Moreover, what would be ideal is for me to be emotionally available when someone who shares a mutual attraction steps into the stage of my life. Getting carried away in a one-sided imaginary romance can be a major roadblock to emotional health and availability. I mean, really, isn't that what we all REALLY want? A true reciprocal of emotional investment? That cannot be attained by dumping our bags of crazy all over someone else's doorstep.

So yeah, I'm content to just take relief in the knowledge that the capacity to experience emotional intensity is present within me. And I'm grateful for the wisdom to not irresponsibly handle myself and wreck possibilities before they exist out the gate by attempting to create situations and outcomes that cater to my personal wants.

Appreciate the simplicity of the gifts that the universe places in your life for what they are. There is no call to distort them by attempting to mold and manipulate them to feed your ego.

Namaste,

-j